


Trust Your Gut

by ekayla



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Bellarke, Break Up, Break Up Talk, F/M, breaking up, just processing some things, mention of Lincoln - Freeform, mention of octavia - Freeform, this really happened to me irl
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:21:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22551682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ekayla/pseuds/ekayla
Summary: Bellamy has something to discuss with Clarke, and Clarke knows something is wrong but she still doesn't see it coming.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 22
Kudos: 52





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever fic, so PLEASE don't tear it to shreds. It's one of the few times I'll ask you guys to only leave positive comments! This situation legit happened to me, so this fic is just my way of processing it through my favorite couple, Bellarke.

Clarke knows something is wrong. She can feel it in her gut. She just knows.

She hasn’t heard from him all day, which normally she would text him, but today he has asked for some time alone. To process some things, he said.

He’s been going to therapy for some time now, mostly about his mom and sister. They’ve each put him through hell and back, starting with his mom preaching to him as a child that Octavia was “his responsibility” and his alone. At the time, it made sense to Bellamy. But looking back, his mother shouldn’t have put that on a child. 

Then there was Octavia, and all the crap she’s done to Bell. She’s always been a handful, always finding something to get in trouble, especially after the death of her boyfriend Lincoln. Lincoln was good for her, kept her on the straight and narrow. But after his untimely death from a motorcycle accident, she’s lost herself. She immediately blamed Bellamy, simply because it was his motorcycle that Lincoln was test driving. So, yeah, there was a lot of tension between the siblings. Therapy seemed like a good option and had been helping him deal with all of that. 

So today, when Bellamy told Clarke, his girlfriend of 10 months, that he needed some time alone to process some things right after one of his sessions, she didn’t think too much of it. She’d wanted to help him and be there for him, but first and foremost she wanted to respect what he’d asked. Space. 

But by the end of the night, she knew something was wrong. She texted him anyways.

C: You okay? 

No reply. 

The next morning, there was still no reply. She had the day off from work, which couldn’t have come at a worse time. Normally she appreciated the random days off during the week, but today she needed the distraction. She texted him again, hoping he’d take a second to ease her worry.

C: Hey, is everything ok? Haven’t heard from you in a while

B: Yeah, sorry. Can we meet up later after I get off work? I have to talk to you about something. 

C: Sure, I’m home all day so come by whenever you get off work.

Bellamy would get off work at 5pm, she thought. It was just now noon. His text wasn’t really reassuring, and it always made her nervous when people said they “needed to talk”. Why couldn’t people just say what it is they needed to talk about? She still had 5 hours to try guessing. She never would guess it right.

At around 1pm, Bellamy texted her back.

B: Actually, I’m on my way now. Couldn’t wait, left work early. See you soon.

What? Clarke thought. Her mind immediately went to his sister. Maybe something happened to her. Was she okay? 

Bellamy arrived at her house shortly after, and they sat on the porch together. He seemed nervous. 

“Hey Clarke,” he said, leaning in for a hug. Clarke noticed that he didn’t look like he’d slept all that well last night. Or maybe the last several nights. 

“Hey Bell, is everything okay? I know I wasn’t supposed to text you last night, but I was just worried. Is there something wrong with your sister?” 

He took a deep breath. “No, everything’s okay with O. She’s still trying to figure her life out, but at the moment nothing is wrong with her. That’s not what I came to talk about.” She could see the worried look on his face as he tried to get the next words out. “The reason I left work early and wanted to talk to you is because yesterday I had a really hard talk with my therapist and after some processing on my own, I decided… I think we should break up.” 

Clarke felt the wind being knocked right out of her. It was like she couldn’t breathe. Surely, he didn’t just say those words. She must have misheard him. “Wait, what? You want to… break up?”

“Yeah, I’m so sorry. I know it’s out of the blue, and please _please_ believe me when I say this, but it’s got nothing to do with you. I promise.” He lays a hand on hers, but she pulls it away as soon as he touches her. 

“But… we’re so… I thought everything was… I just don’t understand.” She’s at a loss for words. She can’t even formulate her thoughts. Clarke starts crying, slowly at first, but then the tears turn into sobbing. 

Bellamy watches her fall apart, wishing he could hold her close and take away the pain, but knowing that that isn’t his place anymore. He just sits there, unsure of what to do next.

Finally, Clarke calms enough to speak. “Why Bellamy? Is it something I’ve done?”

“I promise you Clarke, it’s nothing about you. You’re an amazing person, but I just don’t think we are meant to be together. It's just… taken me until now to realize it.” 

Suddenly Clarke feels a hatred of his therapist rising up. “Was it your therapist? Did he tell you to break up with me?” 

“No, no, nothing like that I swear! He just… he helped me see things that I’ve been overlooking. Things about our relationship that I’ve realized aren’t what I want. Things that aren’t healthy and I need to step away from it.” He wishes he could tell her more, but he’s afraid what he could say will only deepen the pain. He couldn’t stand to do that, not to Clarke. 

Clarke is looking down at her hands, covered in her own tears. She didn’t bring any tissues or anything outside on the porch, she didn’t think she would need them. Why would she think she would need them? Her and Bellamy have been together for months, falling in love, growing closer and closer. Sure, there were times when she would shut down and not want to talk about her feelings. Bellamy would get so frustrated, but she was trying. For the first time in her life she was trying to open up completely to someone, share the things from deep within her. She believed they were getting better together, Bellamy with his family issues, Clarke with her trusting others with her feelings. Bellamy was helping her to feel things and not just block them out. But now, he was leaving her like everyone else in her life had left her. 

“Okay, I think I want to go inside. Alone.” Clarke said, standing up quickly. “I think you should leave.” She still couldn’t really think or process what was happening, but she knew she just had to get out of it. Get out of this situation. Get away from Bellamy. 

“Okay, Clarke. I’m so sorry. I’m… I’m sorry. I never wanted things to be this way.” He stood up and started for his car, parked on the street. Clarke watched him walk to his red car, the same car they’d spent so many nights together, listening to music, talking for hours, kissing, so many hours spent in that car getting to know each other. And now, as Bellamy got in the driver's seat and started to drive away, Clarke burst into tears again, wondering if it might be the last time she ever saw him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of a breakup - thank God for Raven (and friends like her)

A week later, Clarke is still crying. Sometimes it's at home, sometimes it's when she’s over at her friend Raven’s house, sometimes it’s at work. Her sadness comes and goes when it pleases, taking a bit of her every time. She feels hopeless. Even when she’s over at Raven’s house with Raven, Monty, Jasper and Harper all hanging out, she can’t help but feel utterly alone. 

She hasn’t heard from Bellamy since that afternoon on her front porch. She wants to reach out so badly, partly out of habit, the other part out of need to be close to someone during this time of heartbreak. Heartbreak - that’s what this is. Clarke feels like her heart has been ripped out of her chest, and she’s barely hanging on to life. 

Raven tries to comfort her by letting her come over whenever she wants, even letting her sleep over the first few nights after. Clarke took her up on that offer, not wanting to be alone. Every night since, she’s fallen asleep thinking of him with tears in her eyes and woken up to the realization that this is real. He’s not coming back, he really ended their relationship. 

It’s a Monday, a week later, and she’s still over at Raven’s. Raven is in the kitchen making brunch and Clarke walks out of the bedroom over to the table to sit. 

“Rise and shine!” Raven says, a little too cheerful. “I’m making chocolate chip pancakes again, I know you love them.” She smiles over to Clarke, hoping that even after a week she’s not over pancakes yet. She’s tried to change it up a couple times, but she’s not very creative when it comes to breakfast foods. Plus, they’re one of Clarke’s favorites.

Clarke sits down at the table and lays her head down in her crossed arms, then makes a small groan. She lifts her head, just barely, to look at Raven. “We’ve had chocolate chip pancakes four times this week. It’s not making things better.” Clarke is wearing a pair of Raven’s sweats, a grey V-neck shirt and a dark hoodie… the same outfit she was in yesterday. Her hair is in a ponytail, but off to the side as a result of terrible rolling-around-all-night sleep. Stray hairs are coming out everywhere. “I don’t think anything can make it better…” she starts to tear up with the last word and stops talking. She lowers her head back down. 

“Oh, Clarke.” Raven says sympathetically. This last week has also been tough for her, but in a different way. She’s been working the night shifts at the hospital for the last three nights, and she’s come home every morning exhausted. But she loves her friend Clarke, and her heart breaks for her and what Bellamy did to her. So instead of going straight to bed like she normally does, she’s been staying up a little longer to make Clarke breakfast, mostly to make sure that she eats something everyday. Raven knows about heartbreak, ever since Finn broke her heart a few years ago. She knows what Clarke is going through, and she knows that there’s nothing she can say to make the pain go away. All she can do is be there for her, and cook tons of her favorite foods. Raven walks over to her and starts to massage her shoulders. “You know what? We should go to the park today! I think you need to get some Vitamin-D in your system, it’ll make you feel better, I promise! So why don’t I take a nap,” she sniffs the top of her head and scrunches her nose, “you shower and change your clothes, and we’ll go around 3pm! What do you say?” She looks down at Clarke. 

Clarke stops crying, looks up and wipes her nose with the sleeve of her hoodie. “I guess so…” 

“That’s the spirit! Alright, finish up these pancakes and I’ll see you at 3pm back here.” Raven walks off to the bedroom. When she gets to the door frame, she turns around to Clarke. “I know you might not believe this now, but it’s going to be okay, Clarke.” She gives her a soft smile, and Clarke tries to return the sentiment with a small lift of her lips. “I’ll see you at 3!” She goes into the room and shuts the door behind her, leaving Clarke with a plate full of chocolate chip pancakes and her somber thoughts. 

\---

While Raven is napping, Clarke takes her time with breakfast. She eats a couple pancakes in silence, occasionally pausing to look out the kitchen window. The sun is out, and it’s pouring through the window onto the table where she sits. She can feel the warmth on her body, and yet inside her she is still cold. Numb. _Time_ , she thinks. She looks down at her empty plate and says with convincing determination to what’s left of her pancakes, “It’s going to be okay.” she repeats Raven’s words to herself a one more time, the last one ending with her own words, “in time.” 

Clarke decides to clean the kitchen - after all, Raven _did_ make her breakfast, this morning and the last five or six mornings. It’s the least she can do. After the kitchen is spotless, she ends up moving onto the living room, then an hour later she finds herself in the bathroom… She’s content with the busy work, keeping her mind off of… other things. The next thing she knows, she hears the bedroom door open and Raven sleepily walks out, still rubbing her eyes from what looks like a very deep sleep. 

“Clarke?” 

Clarke pops her head out from the bathroom. “Yeah?” 

Raven looks around, “Damn, you’ve been busy.” For the first time since she stood up from the kitchen table, she takes in all her handiwork. She shrugs, “I wanted to thank you for this last week. I know you’ve been super tired from work but you’ve still taken care of me. Plus, if I’m being honest, it was a nice distraction from reality.” She lifts a yellow rubber-gloved hand to her face and carefully brushes a few strands of hair away. “I’m just about done, I think. I’m almost finished deep cleaning the bathroom.” 

Raven raises her eyebrows, impressed. She can’t even remember the last time she deep cleaned that bathtub in the two years she’s lived in this place. “Alright. We can head out once you're done.” Clarke cocks her head to the side. “You know, the park? Don’t think you can get out of this with your cleaning powers! We are GOING! Today is beautiful, and the fresh air will be good for you. And for me.” She pops down on the couch and throws her feet up on the coffee table. “I’ll just be here.” She grins at Clarke, who doesn’t look too happy about it. Clarke turns back to the tub. From the bathroom, she can hear Raven turn the TV on to the sports channel, probably checking scores. As annoyed as she is that Raven’s forcing her to go outside, she’s thankful to be here with her, to be with a friend. Clarke lets a small smile show on her face as she starts rinsing out the bathtub.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiiii, so I'm not sure how much I will continue this, but as of now, I plan on writing at least a 3rd chapter! Maybe I'll get them back together (fix what I can't have IRL) or maybe I won't :D like the first chapter, this fic is therapeutic for me, dealing with my own break up and stuffs. ANYWAYS enough with the personal info, should Clarke take Bellamy back? What do you think???


End file.
